you know how it is when u think that boy likes you? that lil happy feeling of being appreciated and admired- with no compulsion to reciprocate- just the privilege of being content that there's somebody out there who thinks you're pretty or cute or attractive. that unspoken understanding that makes you feel good about yourself. that lifts you up above the crowd and makes the pimples that annoy you a little less significant. it's a gentle ego-massager - the knowledge that someone thinks you're beautiful and that someone out there would love to take you out to dinner. 

and you know how it is when your happy little bubble is burst, and you learn that all this while when you thought he had a secret crush on you, there was actually nothing at all? It doesn't break your heart - no- it makes you feel quite cheated really! and a little insulted and a tad inadequate. and fairly miffed.  and then defensive! How could you NOT have had a crush on me - i mean you had a crush on R and on S and on A and on N and all these OTHER stupid silly annoying brainless women- so what does that make me- NOT GOOD ENOUGH?! NOT CRUSH MATERIAL?! Ouch. Hmph. Not that i wanted you to have a crush on me then- that would have been weiiiird- coz you were one of my best friends and i never thought of you that way- so it would have messed things up ofcourse- but i wouldn;t have minded it either you know - i;d have been secretly pleased- for purely selfish self-indulgent reasons ofcourse - but pleased nonetheless. I'd always thought we'd talk about it 10 years down the line and you'd admit to it, and we'd laugh about it and have a good moment- and i'd feel pretty again and  remember my younger days affectionately. 

But NO! Tht isn't the way it is apparently. You never liked me. How rude!